Grace - God's Unmerited Favor

I'm a big baby...when I'm sick. When I'm not sick I'm the "road runner". "Meep! Meep!" Get out of my way because I'm always on a mission to go somewhere or do something. I don't like sitting still, however, God keeps habitually slowing me down. I have had more physical challenges that I ever thought I'd have in my life! My sister says everytime I go thru an illness or physical challenge, I come out spiritually stronger. My question is, "Lord, how strong do you need me to be?" The scripture, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." is developing a whole different meaning to me.

When I think of the grace (unmerited favor) of God, I think of:
-My loving, caring parents who would do anything for me.
-A husband who loves me.
-An employer that understands the word "patient", even when the patient is an employee.
-A home that is my haven and comfort.
-A chihuahua that seems to be connected to my emotional state. When I'm down, he always does something to make me laugh.

'Nuff said. That's all I want to think about today. I just want to be grateful to God for his many blessings.

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

Although I'm glad to see there is a "Fibromyalgia Awareness Day", I wondered just how much was actually being done to make people aware. I have to admit, I really wasn't sure if it was an actual disease or just the over active imagination of people who just didn't want to work. That was until I started suffering from it myself.

Fibro crept up on me because I had so many other aches and pains I was dealing with. Never once did I think the sum of all that was aching added up to fibromyalgia. This makes the second diagnosis I've gotten that has no cure. The first being PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome).

I noticed at the beginning of last year that it was beginning to be harder for me to wake up early. Or if I woke up early, I woke up tired. I did a self diagnosis and contributed to my obesity or poor eating habits. Suddenly, I started having episodes of sleepless nights. Not too funny when you have to work a full 8 hours the next day. I contributed my strange sleeping pattern to just getting older. After all, I watched my mother go from being an early riser to now sleeping until 9am. I just thought I was following my mother's pattern.

Another symptom I noticed was that my memory was not what it use to be. I took pride in remembering little details from 5, 10, 20, 30 years ago. Suddenly, it was hard to remember things from one day to the next. This made work very difficult, so I started frantically taking notes and setting reminders. I was totally frustrated with myself but dare not mention it to anyone else. I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy. Only recently have I realized the sum of all the symptoms I was having was fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed earlier this year, but I was in denial. Since I had DDD (degenerative disk disease) going on, I was contributing everything to that. As of Monday, my Dr told me my DDD and my fibro are colliding with each other and are the cause of the pain, discomfort, migraines, mental fogginess and sporadic sleeping pattern. Could I be any more uncomfortable????

Fibro is still such a mystery, I think there are a lot of people (like I use to be) who still don't quite believe it "exists". The pain in my body tell me SOMETHING is wrong, however, physicians and experts have yet to pinpoint the source of the pain. I've tried natural therapies, physical therapy, moist heat, exercise and none of it worked. Now, I'm trying different medications in the hope that I will soon experience some sort of "normalcy" and be able to work.

Right now, I have little or no attention span, severe muscles spasms in my upper back, migraines, fatigue, neck pain and sporadic sleeping pattern. The combination of all these symptoms equals misery. Because of the pain in my upper back, shoulders and neck, I had my husband cut all my hair off. I have no strength or ability to maintain the length that my hair was. I feel sleepy or tired ALL the time and there are many days where I get up, take a shower and slip right back into a clean pair of pajamas. I have no attention span to read a book, so either I'm watching TV, watching shows via my laptop or the TV is watching me. I feel as though I have accomplished something if I'm able to stay awake for an entire movie. The ringer on the phone in my bedroom is off, so even if I hear it ring, I sometimes am not in the mood to even hold a conversation. Have I fallen in to a type of depression? Anything is possible.

Currently, I'm taking a new fibromyalgia medication that has a 28 day regimen. I'm hoping and praying I will see results soon and go back to some resemblance of my "normal" life, even though most fibro info says you never get back to 100%. In the meantime, I have to help my husband think about the future, the possibility of me not being able to work my current job and our financial state. Not the most pleasant topic of discussion but a necessary one nonetheless.

Throughout this ordeal, I'm learning that I have to take care of ME first. I only have one life to live with one body and I have to do what's best for ME.