The final three years of my tenure were marred with physical problems. First a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and a year later, Degenerative Disk Disease. Together, they equal nothing but chronic pain. I kept fighting the pain with prescribed medications, cortisone shots, nerve blocks, heat, cold, bed-rest, chiropractic manipulation, decompression, physical therapy, exercise, water aerobics, a TENS unit and radio frequency lesioning...all have failed. I even began to have adverse reactions to some of the prescribed narcotics. I had never in my life experienced such pain and agony. Pain so great, my husband has had to run me to the emergency room at least 3 times.
Because of my physical instabilities, the final 3 years of my tenure, being a drone was nothing but a never ending learning curve. I felt like I had begun a pattern of being on medical leave for 2-3 months, and back to work for 3-4 months...THEN on medical leave for 3-4 months and back to work for 2-3 months. This pattern of absence, plus the major reorganizations happening within the company suddenly made me feel a bit worthless. The skill-sets I had mastered in my former division had little or no value in this new "Borg" world. I was a drone...and a novice drone at that. The work I now was required to do was boring in comparison to my former work. My life was now filled with project plans, budgets, vendors, learning systems and constantly changing processes for how to get things done. Thank God, every Borg leader I had was patient, understanding and empathetic.
Due to my leaves of absence, I can't really say I got to know my Borg drone colleagues very well, but those I experienced were very pleasant (with the exception of one) and helpful. Unfortunately (and in my opinion), my former training colleagues that were placed on the Borg ship with me, were not made of the same Borg drone "stuff" as these other drones were. Most of my former training colleagues (from the previous division), left the Borg ship for other positions within the company. Those of us that were left, felt like we were treading water until something better came along. Unfortunately, the only thing that came along was a company downsizing.
Leaving the Borg department was a major relief. I was a square peg that never would have fit in the hole. Leaving my Borg colleagues and leaders was sad. I genuinely liked them. Thankfully, Facebook will allow me to stay connected to them.
It looks like my next chapter in life will be taking care of me. Surviving these diseases and living the best quality life that I can.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
My Journey In Pharma - The Others, The Borg Queen and Drones, Part 2
We all know how reorganizations start, right? As rumors. Sometimes the rumors were so unfathomable, you just ignore them and keep functioning despite them. I think the first change that occurred, was how the data entry of completed training was input. New codes needed to be put in. Hmmmmm...ok. No biggie. Suddenly, there is this training group at Corporate (who we'll call the "others") that feels like they're trying to infiltrate us. No worries. With JO as our gatekeeper, I didn't worry. Then, JO gets a promotion and for the first time in 4 years, I have a new supervisor....and then another...and then another...all within 3 years. My foundation was shattered and the rumors began to have a tinge of truth to them. Soon, we were going to be merged with ...(dun, dun, duhhhhh) :::scream:::...the "others"!
I had previous contact with some of the "others" because of the data entry changes that occurred and I have to say, it was always pleasant. As all this change is occurring, I noticed that I began to have more and more back issues. It began to be so severe, I had to go on medical leave. Shortly after returning from medical leave a MAJOR change occurred and we got an "other" as a supervisor. The consensus of the group was a combination of shock, surprise and horror. LOL The "others" became "The Borg" and we soon realized that "resistance was futile". "The Borg Queen" came to visit us to reassure us that our best interests were being considered, however, we didn't believe her. Almost instantly, my dream job ceased. In my opinion, our training team felt like an engine being told to keep functioning, however, we were given a different type of fuel to work with, a different engineer...and a whole lot of maintenance that needed to be done. All the while attempting to answer the questions from our devout customers, who had become accustomed to our one on one attention. Suddenly (to them) we were no longer at their beck and call. Now they had another "borg drone" that was supposed to field all of their questions. The Borg had taken over and I felt like I no longer had an identity.
I had spent almost 7 years, building a reputation of trust, integrity and leadership within our division (pre-Borg). I was appointed as a leader of a task force by the Executive Director. I was a trusted consultant to the executive leadership. I was a major diversity leader and advocate. Often, I was solicited by leadership to facilitate courses at their regional meetings around the US, Puerto Rico and Toronto. Suddenly, I felt yanked away from all that I had built and I, myself became nothing but a Borg drone.
I had previous contact with some of the "others" because of the data entry changes that occurred and I have to say, it was always pleasant. As all this change is occurring, I noticed that I began to have more and more back issues. It began to be so severe, I had to go on medical leave. Shortly after returning from medical leave a MAJOR change occurred and we got an "other" as a supervisor. The consensus of the group was a combination of shock, surprise and horror. LOL The "others" became "The Borg" and we soon realized that "resistance was futile". "The Borg Queen" came to visit us to reassure us that our best interests were being considered, however, we didn't believe her. Almost instantly, my dream job ceased. In my opinion, our training team felt like an engine being told to keep functioning, however, we were given a different type of fuel to work with, a different engineer...and a whole lot of maintenance that needed to be done. All the while attempting to answer the questions from our devout customers, who had become accustomed to our one on one attention. Suddenly (to them) we were no longer at their beck and call. Now they had another "borg drone" that was supposed to field all of their questions. The Borg had taken over and I felt like I no longer had an identity.
I had spent almost 7 years, building a reputation of trust, integrity and leadership within our division (pre-Borg). I was appointed as a leader of a task force by the Executive Director. I was a trusted consultant to the executive leadership. I was a major diversity leader and advocate. Often, I was solicited by leadership to facilitate courses at their regional meetings around the US, Puerto Rico and Toronto. Suddenly, I felt yanked away from all that I had built and I, myself became nothing but a Borg drone.
My Journey In Pharma - The Early Years, Part 1
I bid the pharma company that I had been working for, for 10 years adieu yesterday. It was very bittersweet. As I walked to HR to turn in some final paperwork, I didn't see a sole that I knew. As I was walking back toward the exit, I looked up and saw the word,"Journey" hanging on the ceiling. How appropriate. The end of one journey...and the start of another. As I was about to descend on the escalator, I remembered thinking, "Wow. I'm not going to see a single soul I know before I leave this building.". Suddenly, I glanced to my right and saw a familiar face. My former director, who had always been so kind and helpful toward me. She smiled when she saw me and said, "I bet I know where you're coming from!". We laughed. She too, had turned in her final paperwork to HR. It was very nice to see a familiar face, on those final steps to the exit.
Looking back over my tenure, I'd have to say the first you I worked there as a contractor and had a ball! I thought it was the greatest gig ever! I could wear blue jeans, the supervisor was awesome and fed us brownies (when our metrics were good), we ordered shakes from McDonald's or Frosty's from Wendy's, had chili cook-offs, and egg omelets made to order! There was a different activity every single month! I LOVED going to work every day. Then...suddenly, some permanent positions opened. I didn't apply because I didn't think I'd get it. My supervisor TOLD me to apply and within 2 months, I was a full-time employee! My family was so proud and I was in shock. I thought I'd work there forever...until...my supervisor left exactly one month later and EVERYTHING changed.
The next year was the total opposite of the first. No celebrations, no accolades, just more work, more pressure and worse leadership. I mentally began to change for the worse and it began to affect my health. Thankfully and unexpectedly, I made a career change from IT to Training. This new training group was a bit hard to break into. It was much different than IT. In IT, you were drilled to do the work, hit the metrics and complete the projects on time and on budget. This new training group was pretty laid back. I think I hid in my cubicle most of the time because there was a sudden supervisor change less than 2 months after I arrived. Was I really expected to answer phone calls, file and data entry? I thought to myself, "What the hell did I get myself in to?" After a blow out with one of the Associates, I spoke to the Director and tried to convince him that I had made a mistake in applying for this position....and yes, I felt I was OVER qualified for it. He convinced me to stay...at least for a year and promised things would get better. I settled in, however, it was still a very rocky start. If it hadn't been for the trust I had for the new supervisor, I would have exited...quickly.
While attempting to grasp this new training department, I began to gain allies who actually saw my potential and realized I could do more than what was asked of me. A Nigerian (aka MO) and an "egalitarian genius" (aka MM) befriended me, had faith in me, trusted me and allowed me to do more and learn more. My supervisor (aka JO) was probably getting tired of me asking to do more and on one occasion where me and another associate had to present something, JO was in the audience. After JO saw me in the "zone", she began to really realize my potential. With MM guiding me, teaching me and sharing knowledge, I began to grow more confident in my new found abilities to facilitate and present. It was also MM, who began to teach me about adult learning principles and instructional designing. I was like a sponge. I sucked up everything she had to show me and began to facilitate classes with her...and even traveled with her.
Based upon the feedback from MO and MM, I gained more and more responsibility. It was JO that suggested that I finish my degree to become a training associate. She promised (yes, I said promised) me, that I would advance in my career, if I could prove to be able to do the same work as the other associates AND finish my degree. I can gladly say, she kept her promise.
In the years to come, I soared! MO left the company. MM got a promotion. I felt a bit alone but I also felt like the baby bird that got kicked out of the nest to learn to fly...and fly I did! I traveled all across the U.S., to Mexico, Canada and Puerto Rico, facilitating and presenting on behalf of our department. The feedback that JO was hearing was great! For about 3-4 years, I was living my dream job and excelling at it! Then...it happened. That thing called "reorganization".
Looking back over my tenure, I'd have to say the first you I worked there as a contractor and had a ball! I thought it was the greatest gig ever! I could wear blue jeans, the supervisor was awesome and fed us brownies (when our metrics were good), we ordered shakes from McDonald's or Frosty's from Wendy's, had chili cook-offs, and egg omelets made to order! There was a different activity every single month! I LOVED going to work every day. Then...suddenly, some permanent positions opened. I didn't apply because I didn't think I'd get it. My supervisor TOLD me to apply and within 2 months, I was a full-time employee! My family was so proud and I was in shock. I thought I'd work there forever...until...my supervisor left exactly one month later and EVERYTHING changed.
The next year was the total opposite of the first. No celebrations, no accolades, just more work, more pressure and worse leadership. I mentally began to change for the worse and it began to affect my health. Thankfully and unexpectedly, I made a career change from IT to Training. This new training group was a bit hard to break into. It was much different than IT. In IT, you were drilled to do the work, hit the metrics and complete the projects on time and on budget. This new training group was pretty laid back. I think I hid in my cubicle most of the time because there was a sudden supervisor change less than 2 months after I arrived. Was I really expected to answer phone calls, file and data entry? I thought to myself, "What the hell did I get myself in to?" After a blow out with one of the Associates, I spoke to the Director and tried to convince him that I had made a mistake in applying for this position....and yes, I felt I was OVER qualified for it. He convinced me to stay...at least for a year and promised things would get better. I settled in, however, it was still a very rocky start. If it hadn't been for the trust I had for the new supervisor, I would have exited...quickly.
While attempting to grasp this new training department, I began to gain allies who actually saw my potential and realized I could do more than what was asked of me. A Nigerian (aka MO) and an "egalitarian genius" (aka MM) befriended me, had faith in me, trusted me and allowed me to do more and learn more. My supervisor (aka JO) was probably getting tired of me asking to do more and on one occasion where me and another associate had to present something, JO was in the audience. After JO saw me in the "zone", she began to really realize my potential. With MM guiding me, teaching me and sharing knowledge, I began to grow more confident in my new found abilities to facilitate and present. It was also MM, who began to teach me about adult learning principles and instructional designing. I was like a sponge. I sucked up everything she had to show me and began to facilitate classes with her...and even traveled with her.
Based upon the feedback from MO and MM, I gained more and more responsibility. It was JO that suggested that I finish my degree to become a training associate. She promised (yes, I said promised) me, that I would advance in my career, if I could prove to be able to do the same work as the other associates AND finish my degree. I can gladly say, she kept her promise.
In the years to come, I soared! MO left the company. MM got a promotion. I felt a bit alone but I also felt like the baby bird that got kicked out of the nest to learn to fly...and fly I did! I traveled all across the U.S., to Mexico, Canada and Puerto Rico, facilitating and presenting on behalf of our department. The feedback that JO was hearing was great! For about 3-4 years, I was living my dream job and excelling at it! Then...it happened. That thing called "reorganization".
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
HOAs...gotta love 'em!
I've been in my new home now for over 4 years. This is my 2nd home since marriage and it was cool watching something being built from the ground up. I was also excited about being a part of a HOA (home owners association). I had faith that I would be in a community of people that wanted to maintain the quality of our neighborhood and the value of our homes. Yes, I believed in the video loop that was played in the model homes of the mature tree-lined streets with people riding their bikes, walking their dogs and visiting each others homes. What I've experienced so far, is:
- The rumbling, beeping and whizzing of construction machinery
- Unsupervised children riding their bikes in the alley, across my yard and through the construction sites
- My vehicles being so consistently covered with dust, that I'm beginning to think it's a new car color
- Neighbors who signed the HOA agreement that no cars are to be parked on the street, yet they own more cars than their 2 car garage can hold
- Unproductive annual HOA meetings that are little more than a "gripe fest"
- Division residents that act like mobile radio stations, whose bass bumps so loud it vibrates the windows of my home
Monday, July 05, 2010
Why I Don't Go To Church
Please read this article before you proceed. (Thank you JEJ for the link.)
Why I Don't Go To Church by Wayne Jacobsen © Copyright 2010 Lifestream Ministries
Wayne Jacobsen could have not articulated my thoughts any better in that article! That is EXACTLY where I am in my life right now! I'm not into locking myself in an organized church right now, however, I wouldn't necessarily say that to a new person in Christ either. Some people need that...some don't. Some people thrive in that environment...some don't. Unfortunately, most people would see me and my spouse as "rebellious"...because we're going against conventional "bible teaching"...but if Jesus were alive here on Earth today in bodily form, I think most people would think him to be a disappointment because I just don't think He'd spend ALL his time hanging out in a million different churches. He'd probably be preaching under a bridge with the homeless...or on the corner at 2am with the prostitutes...ya know...places where "Christians" don't often tread.
My largest spiritual maturity growth spurt did not occur in a church. I learned more about the love and compassion of Jesus when I was an early 20-something, in college, driving a green '72 Ford Torino and hanging out with neighborhood kids at midnight in the middle of St. Joan Of Arc Catholic Church parking lot. I sometimes feel like being attached to a church body for a certain amount of years, made me cautious about people who called themselves Christians, jaded about church "leadership" and defensive toward certain so-called Christ-like leadership attitudes, characters and traditions. Me and my Torino saw the pain of life that Jesus probably saw. I hung out with the kids that churches didn't pay attention to...maybe because they didn't go to church because they had no ride or no "church" clothes to wear. I worked for a not-for-profit, Christian youth organization and I hung out with Father-less boys and hyper-sexually active girls who were using abortion as a form of birth control. I drove a 15 passenger van where I confiscated weapons in the glove compartment, sped away from gang fights and picked up kids drunk, high or whatever...and I loved every single one of those kids! Life for me moved very fast in those days...I went to church, grabbed the Word and went! No time for church politics or drama. Ahhh...those were the days.
Having said that, I DO get why people go to conventional churches. I get it...I really do. It serves as different things for different people. For those who grew up in the 1930's 40's, 50's and even 60's, it's a "social" meeting place. It was the one place that Caucasians allowed African-American's to congregate. To this day, my parents (who are age 78 and 80) still keep tabs on their church "friends" by whether they were in church on Sunday or not. To them, if you're not in church, something must be wrong and you can guarantee someone will be giving you a call to make sure you're alright. For some it's a weekly "filling station". After feeling like they've been beaten down by life, Sunday is a day of refreshing for them. For those who lived lives that were wild, unchaste and immoral, it is a safe alternative environment away from that unfruitful life. See? I get it!
I am a church baby (aka child born and reared going to church every single week), who had no "wild child" moment in her teens and whose 20's were rather docile. My 20's were spent in the youth ministry, growing spiritual, dealing with health challenges, and learning how to define Jesus Christ (and what He is really about) and trying to avoid "churchdom" and "churchisms" and crazy "church folk". There's a HUGE difference...HUGE!
At this point in my life, again, I'm in a huge spiritual growth spurt. God is teaching me love, understanding and compassion like I've never known it before...and this is while not being able to attend a whole church service in almost 1.5 years. I'm learning a different aspect of the love of Jesus Christ without being inside of church walls because I haven't been able sit upright in a pew comfortably without losing the feeling in my leg or toes in almost 2 years. At times noise and light caused even greater pain. Did the church come to me? In the form of very few people and a couple of friends...but there was still an expectation for some that if I could only make it to the church all would be better. Uh...no. Me making it to the church would have probably made THEM feel better and given the appearance that all was fine...that is all. So, what has happened since? With the church? Nothing. Am I still spiritually maturing? Absolutely! This whole physical experience is new, frustrating and making me more dependent on Jesus and making me love my husband more than I ever have before in life...and I truly thank God for that!
So...am I ever going back to church again? Of course!!!! Will I join a "conventional church body" ever again? Who knows? :)
Why I Don't Go To Church by Wayne Jacobsen © Copyright 2010 Lifestream Ministries
Wayne Jacobsen could have not articulated my thoughts any better in that article! That is EXACTLY where I am in my life right now! I'm not into locking myself in an organized church right now, however, I wouldn't necessarily say that to a new person in Christ either. Some people need that...some don't. Some people thrive in that environment...some don't. Unfortunately, most people would see me and my spouse as "rebellious"...because we're going against conventional "bible teaching"...but if Jesus were alive here on Earth today in bodily form, I think most people would think him to be a disappointment because I just don't think He'd spend ALL his time hanging out in a million different churches. He'd probably be preaching under a bridge with the homeless...or on the corner at 2am with the prostitutes...ya know...places where "Christians" don't often tread.
My largest spiritual maturity growth spurt did not occur in a church. I learned more about the love and compassion of Jesus when I was an early 20-something, in college, driving a green '72 Ford Torino and hanging out with neighborhood kids at midnight in the middle of St. Joan Of Arc Catholic Church parking lot. I sometimes feel like being attached to a church body for a certain amount of years, made me cautious about people who called themselves Christians, jaded about church "leadership" and defensive toward certain so-called Christ-like leadership attitudes, characters and traditions. Me and my Torino saw the pain of life that Jesus probably saw. I hung out with the kids that churches didn't pay attention to...maybe because they didn't go to church because they had no ride or no "church" clothes to wear. I worked for a not-for-profit, Christian youth organization and I hung out with Father-less boys and hyper-sexually active girls who were using abortion as a form of birth control. I drove a 15 passenger van where I confiscated weapons in the glove compartment, sped away from gang fights and picked up kids drunk, high or whatever...and I loved every single one of those kids! Life for me moved very fast in those days...I went to church, grabbed the Word and went! No time for church politics or drama. Ahhh...those were the days.
Having said that, I DO get why people go to conventional churches. I get it...I really do. It serves as different things for different people. For those who grew up in the 1930's 40's, 50's and even 60's, it's a "social" meeting place. It was the one place that Caucasians allowed African-American's to congregate. To this day, my parents (who are age 78 and 80) still keep tabs on their church "friends" by whether they were in church on Sunday or not. To them, if you're not in church, something must be wrong and you can guarantee someone will be giving you a call to make sure you're alright. For some it's a weekly "filling station". After feeling like they've been beaten down by life, Sunday is a day of refreshing for them. For those who lived lives that were wild, unchaste and immoral, it is a safe alternative environment away from that unfruitful life. See? I get it!
I am a church baby (aka child born and reared going to church every single week), who had no "wild child" moment in her teens and whose 20's were rather docile. My 20's were spent in the youth ministry, growing spiritual, dealing with health challenges, and learning how to define Jesus Christ (and what He is really about) and trying to avoid "churchdom" and "churchisms" and crazy "church folk". There's a HUGE difference...HUGE!
At this point in my life, again, I'm in a huge spiritual growth spurt. God is teaching me love, understanding and compassion like I've never known it before...and this is while not being able to attend a whole church service in almost 1.5 years. I'm learning a different aspect of the love of Jesus Christ without being inside of church walls because I haven't been able sit upright in a pew comfortably without losing the feeling in my leg or toes in almost 2 years. At times noise and light caused even greater pain. Did the church come to me? In the form of very few people and a couple of friends...but there was still an expectation for some that if I could only make it to the church all would be better. Uh...no. Me making it to the church would have probably made THEM feel better and given the appearance that all was fine...that is all. So, what has happened since? With the church? Nothing. Am I still spiritually maturing? Absolutely! This whole physical experience is new, frustrating and making me more dependent on Jesus and making me love my husband more than I ever have before in life...and I truly thank God for that!
So...am I ever going back to church again? Of course!!!! Will I join a "conventional church body" ever again? Who knows? :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Doctors! Can't Live With'em...Can't Live Without 'em!
Where the heck did the phrase, "bedside manner" come from...and how did it get to be associated with doctors and nurses? For this to be such an important part of their interaction with patients, I still find doctors who appear to have no clue as to what it is. For instance, I once had a family physician who didn't really want to touch me. At first I took it personally...until another male family member went to the same physician and got the same treatment. After two visits, I moved on and sought another family physician. That dude was just creepy. Then there was the nurse whose hair and make up was so perfectly done, she didn't want to mess them or her manicure up by actually helping me wash up after I had surgery. The other day, I experienced a physician who kept trying to tell me what I felt and what I didn't. Wow...know THIS was new. I've never had anyone tell me, "You shouldn't feel anything there." or downplay MRI results that another physician saw as a major problem. It seemed like everything I would say to this dude, he'd downplay it, like it was really nothing. It's really nothing...but there's a surgical procedure that could possibly correct it up to 70%?!? This dude was S-T-R-A-N-G-E!
Well...it looks like I'm going "under the knife" once again. I'll be undergoing a cervical discectomy and I think this will be the 9th surgery I've had. I'm hoping it will be as "easy peezy" as "Dr. Downplay" says it will be. I'll have a scar that I can't hide and I was told my voice would become deeper (Ha!) but as long as it takes the pain away, I can deal with sounding like a female Barry White. :)
Well...it looks like I'm going "under the knife" once again. I'll be undergoing a cervical discectomy and I think this will be the 9th surgery I've had. I'm hoping it will be as "easy peezy" as "Dr. Downplay" says it will be. I'll have a scar that I can't hide and I was told my voice would become deeper (Ha!) but as long as it takes the pain away, I can deal with sounding like a female Barry White. :)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Body Breakdown
I had a personal motto; when you think your life is boring, start doing stuff for somebody or something else. My motto didn't make room for what to do if you're not "able bodied". My body has been going through major trauma for almost 3 years now. The most frustrating thing is when I KNOW I've done all the right things, such as:
1. Surgery for weight loss - Fail. Stomach is still small but food is not staying in my stomach long enough to breakdown, so I'm getting straight calories.
2. Raw juicing - Fail. Dietitian says raw fruits contain too much concentrated sugar.
3. Whole Wheat products - Fail. Emergency room visit diagnosing an anaphylactic reaction to wheat cut wheat-based products off my grocery list.
4. Water Aerobics - Fail. As my spine expanded in the water (which is supposed to be healthy), the herniated discs in my lumbar region rotated and pinched my sciatic nerve. [Input sarcasm here.] Great. Wonderful.
5. Physical therapy - Fail. Began strength training and 2 months into it, I began to feel a pain in my neck I had never felt before and couldn't get rid of. Result? Degenerative Disc Disease.
I could go on...but since I'm already bored with the list, I would imagine anyone reading this would be bored as well. My point is, this is the first time in my life where I've felt like I could barely do anything for myself, let alone for anyone else.
So, what is life for me right now? Doctor's office visits, medication, and pain. Prayerfully, this too shall pass and REAL life will resume. :)
1. Surgery for weight loss - Fail. Stomach is still small but food is not staying in my stomach long enough to breakdown, so I'm getting straight calories.
2. Raw juicing - Fail. Dietitian says raw fruits contain too much concentrated sugar.
3. Whole Wheat products - Fail. Emergency room visit diagnosing an anaphylactic reaction to wheat cut wheat-based products off my grocery list.
4. Water Aerobics - Fail. As my spine expanded in the water (which is supposed to be healthy), the herniated discs in my lumbar region rotated and pinched my sciatic nerve. [Input sarcasm here.] Great. Wonderful.
5. Physical therapy - Fail. Began strength training and 2 months into it, I began to feel a pain in my neck I had never felt before and couldn't get rid of. Result? Degenerative Disc Disease.
I could go on...but since I'm already bored with the list, I would imagine anyone reading this would be bored as well. My point is, this is the first time in my life where I've felt like I could barely do anything for myself, let alone for anyone else.
So, what is life for me right now? Doctor's office visits, medication, and pain. Prayerfully, this too shall pass and REAL life will resume. :)
Friday, May 07, 2010
Reality TV
Yes...I watch it. Why? I think it's because I find it hard to believe people really act like that. Their "reality" is so far removed from my own life, I find it hard to believe their reality really exists. But then, I think about my own reality and it's probably hard for people to believe as well. Ha!
Real Housewives of OC, ATL, NJ and NY - It's hard for me to believe that grown women still act like they're in high school. Heck! I didn't even act like that in high school. If you don't like someone, why call them your "girlfriend"...why call them a "frenemy"? If the shows show anything, it's the lack of their own emotional maturity that appears blatant in every episode.
Tiny & Toya - This reality show was the biggest surprise of them all. Before I watched an episode, I kept hearing the word, "ghetto" being thrown around alot. Fortunately, what I saw was two young, single mothers, attempting to keep their families together through various illnesses and/or addictions. These two young women seem to have more maturity than most of the Housewives.
Kendra - Sloppy.
Jerseylicious - Stupid but the oddity (e.g. big hair, too much make up, fake nails, tight clothes and a fascination with leopard print) of the culture is worth watching for comic relief.
I realized a while back that "reality TV" is so heavily scripted, I don't think it should be called "reality TV" anymore. It's just another type of sitcom. Ok, in general...TV is such a waste of time. There are only 3 channels I really like to watch...the History Channel, Discovery Channel and Turner Classic Movies. The other 200 plus channels don't do much for me. Ha!
Could my life be a reality TV show? Nope. Too boring. How about your life?
Real Housewives of OC, ATL, NJ and NY - It's hard for me to believe that grown women still act like they're in high school. Heck! I didn't even act like that in high school. If you don't like someone, why call them your "girlfriend"...why call them a "frenemy"? If the shows show anything, it's the lack of their own emotional maturity that appears blatant in every episode.
Tiny & Toya - This reality show was the biggest surprise of them all. Before I watched an episode, I kept hearing the word, "ghetto" being thrown around alot. Fortunately, what I saw was two young, single mothers, attempting to keep their families together through various illnesses and/or addictions. These two young women seem to have more maturity than most of the Housewives.
Kendra - Sloppy.
Jerseylicious - Stupid but the oddity (e.g. big hair, too much make up, fake nails, tight clothes and a fascination with leopard print) of the culture is worth watching for comic relief.
I realized a while back that "reality TV" is so heavily scripted, I don't think it should be called "reality TV" anymore. It's just another type of sitcom. Ok, in general...TV is such a waste of time. There are only 3 channels I really like to watch...the History Channel, Discovery Channel and Turner Classic Movies. The other 200 plus channels don't do much for me. Ha!
Could my life be a reality TV show? Nope. Too boring. How about your life?
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Cancer, A Shooting, A Jail Break...Oh My!
The title sounds like a joke, however, all have happened in my family over the past 2 months. My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Thankfully the Dr's think they caught it in time and he'll begin to undergo radiation therapy this month. My Dad is 6"1" slim and very active, so I've always thought of him as being in good shape. Unfortunately, I forgot cancer doesn't discriminate. My Dad is 2 decades shy of 100. When he began to talk to me about his treatment, he simply said, "I've lived 80 years...I've seen enough." Yep...that's my Dad. A realist to the end.
Out of the 11 years that I've been married, my husband has had quite a few deaths in his immediate and distant family. So far, this year there have been 4. Out of all of the deaths that have occurred and the funerals he has attended, I have never seen him cry. When his 19 year old nephew was killed in a drive-by shooting a week and a half ago, he cried a cry I had never seen before. I could tell his heart was broken and saddened. It was a life cut short when his nephew still had an entire life to live.
Ok, so "jail break" may not exactly fit the story...but it sounded great as a title. Ha! To make a long story short, a niece walked away (literally) with her young child in tow, from an opportunity to start a new life and to make things "right". Little does she know that she's not only disrupted other peoples lives, but she's also made her own life more difficult than it should be. I thank God the baby is in a safe place, but the whereabouts of my niece are unknown at this time.
Although I have been physically down, life around me continues to go on....the good and the bad. I just take it all in stride, one day at a time and just thank God for allowing me to live through another day.
Out of the 11 years that I've been married, my husband has had quite a few deaths in his immediate and distant family. So far, this year there have been 4. Out of all of the deaths that have occurred and the funerals he has attended, I have never seen him cry. When his 19 year old nephew was killed in a drive-by shooting a week and a half ago, he cried a cry I had never seen before. I could tell his heart was broken and saddened. It was a life cut short when his nephew still had an entire life to live.
Ok, so "jail break" may not exactly fit the story...but it sounded great as a title. Ha! To make a long story short, a niece walked away (literally) with her young child in tow, from an opportunity to start a new life and to make things "right". Little does she know that she's not only disrupted other peoples lives, but she's also made her own life more difficult than it should be. I thank God the baby is in a safe place, but the whereabouts of my niece are unknown at this time.
Although I have been physically down, life around me continues to go on....the good and the bad. I just take it all in stride, one day at a time and just thank God for allowing me to live through another day.
Friday, April 30, 2010
The Results Are In!
So...the MRI of my cervical spine was the same...all jacked up. Every vertebrae herniated or bulging. The MRI of my right shoulder turned out to be bursitis. Ouch! I had NO idea how painful bursitis is. Looks like another 4-6 weeks of physical therapy for me. (I love my physical therapist. She allows me to do my therapy in the dark. Ha!) As for the pain of the degenerative disc disease, my meds were increased. My Dr was honest with me when I asked, "There really is no pain medication for nerve pain, is there?" and she responded, "Outside of the cortisone injections...no." So, the question in my head is, how does one live like this? I refuse to think that the state I'm in is permanent. I refuse to think this is the way God wants me to live the rest of my life...and with those thoughts, I begin to wonder, "What are my next steps?", "What am I doing wrong?", "What do I need to do now?", "How do I survive this?" :::heavy sigh::: But by the grace of God...
Chronic pain is no joke! I think when I try to describe it, people can't fathom constant pain. If there's any kind of relief, it's few and far between. And even when you feel relief, you dare not do anything to aggravate pain. Once aggravated, it consumes your day or night.
As I sit her typing, the pain patch I now wear doesn't take away the pain, it just makes me groggy and irritable. On top of that, the adhesive on the patch is breaking my skin out, so now I have read blotches surrounding a 2" x 3" clear patch. SHEESH! This is my life! lol
Chronic pain is no joke! I think when I try to describe it, people can't fathom constant pain. If there's any kind of relief, it's few and far between. And even when you feel relief, you dare not do anything to aggravate pain. Once aggravated, it consumes your day or night.
As I sit her typing, the pain patch I now wear doesn't take away the pain, it just makes me groggy and irritable. On top of that, the adhesive on the patch is breaking my skin out, so now I have read blotches surrounding a 2" x 3" clear patch. SHEESH! This is my life! lol
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
2010...So Far
I didn't forget about my blog, I just kept cringing at the thought of writing things that were not necessarily good news.
2010 started off okay. Work was busy and my performance at work was awesome (even if I do say so myself). By February, I started feeling tinges of pain hear and there but I initially ignored it and thought it would go away by itself. By the end of February, "it" was back. The same pain that took me out the last time...only this time it came back with a friend: a hellacious daily migraine! Even in February, I just tried to make it through the day. If I could make it through the work day, I could take my meds and collapse. When I called my pain management Dr, he wanted to see me. When he sees me that means an automatic 3-4 week process. I get cortizone shots at the base of my skull and then I have to wait (in pain) for the next 3-4 weeks to see if it works. The problem this time, is that it didn't work. After being dissapointed realizing it didn't work, I resorted back to my other meds...but this time the meds turned on me! I began to have adverse (mega-migraine) reactions to ALL...yes ALL the narcotics I had used in the past. I would take it at night and fall asleep only to wake up screaming in the middle of the night from the pain in my head. My poor husband would be at my side the entire time and it was the next day when he would tell me that my screaming and crying lasted for 1 hour, 2 hours or 3 hours. When I awoke, I would never know how long the ordeal lasted...only the pain.
In the midst of this saga I have also sprained my right shoulder (by simply rolling out of bed) and twisted my ankle and bruised my knee by falling while attempting to get to my car...while coming from a Dr's office visit. Ha! (I can laugh about it now.) Pain, pain and more pain. Wow. This happened within 2 weeks of each other. Needless to say, ice packs were my constant companions.
I never realized how efficient my workplace was regarding customer service until I started having to deal with governmental entities and businesses. Suddenly, my Dr's office takes 7-10 days to do EVERYTHING. To get a detailed note sent to my employer...7-10 days. To get scheduled for an MRI...7-10 days. Appointments are always scheduled 2-3 weeks out. How ridiculous! I walked in a government office for an appointment and actually heard the tapping of a typewriter. A typewriter?!? For real?!? The people that worked there looked miserable. No smiles, no laughter, no chatter, no "May I help you?" with a smile. It was more like, "What do you need?" as she decided to look up at me over the top of her glasses, after 60 seconds of me standing there went by. Oy vay!
Okay...back to me. I now affectionately call my bedroom "the cave". My windows are now layered with mini-blinds, shears, blankets and black fabric. Yep...that's my "cave"...my safe haven. Light and noise are the enemy right now. Heck! I even have to dim the light of my laptop all the way down just to use it. It's a good thing I take Vitamin D because the only time I get sun is when I have a Dr's appointment.
I have a Dr's appointment on Thursday to get MRI results from the previous week. Stay tuned.
2010 started off okay. Work was busy and my performance at work was awesome (even if I do say so myself). By February, I started feeling tinges of pain hear and there but I initially ignored it and thought it would go away by itself. By the end of February, "it" was back. The same pain that took me out the last time...only this time it came back with a friend: a hellacious daily migraine! Even in February, I just tried to make it through the day. If I could make it through the work day, I could take my meds and collapse. When I called my pain management Dr, he wanted to see me. When he sees me that means an automatic 3-4 week process. I get cortizone shots at the base of my skull and then I have to wait (in pain) for the next 3-4 weeks to see if it works. The problem this time, is that it didn't work. After being dissapointed realizing it didn't work, I resorted back to my other meds...but this time the meds turned on me! I began to have adverse (mega-migraine) reactions to ALL...yes ALL the narcotics I had used in the past. I would take it at night and fall asleep only to wake up screaming in the middle of the night from the pain in my head. My poor husband would be at my side the entire time and it was the next day when he would tell me that my screaming and crying lasted for 1 hour, 2 hours or 3 hours. When I awoke, I would never know how long the ordeal lasted...only the pain.
In the midst of this saga I have also sprained my right shoulder (by simply rolling out of bed) and twisted my ankle and bruised my knee by falling while attempting to get to my car...while coming from a Dr's office visit. Ha! (I can laugh about it now.) Pain, pain and more pain. Wow. This happened within 2 weeks of each other. Needless to say, ice packs were my constant companions.
I never realized how efficient my workplace was regarding customer service until I started having to deal with governmental entities and businesses. Suddenly, my Dr's office takes 7-10 days to do EVERYTHING. To get a detailed note sent to my employer...7-10 days. To get scheduled for an MRI...7-10 days. Appointments are always scheduled 2-3 weeks out. How ridiculous! I walked in a government office for an appointment and actually heard the tapping of a typewriter. A typewriter?!? For real?!? The people that worked there looked miserable. No smiles, no laughter, no chatter, no "May I help you?" with a smile. It was more like, "What do you need?" as she decided to look up at me over the top of her glasses, after 60 seconds of me standing there went by. Oy vay!
Okay...back to me. I now affectionately call my bedroom "the cave". My windows are now layered with mini-blinds, shears, blankets and black fabric. Yep...that's my "cave"...my safe haven. Light and noise are the enemy right now. Heck! I even have to dim the light of my laptop all the way down just to use it. It's a good thing I take Vitamin D because the only time I get sun is when I have a Dr's appointment.
I have a Dr's appointment on Thursday to get MRI results from the previous week. Stay tuned.
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Hallelujah in Hebrew While songs by Richard Smallwood ("The Highest Praise") and CeCe Winans ("Hallelujah Praise")... -
Well, it's finally here...2009. I'm really glad because 2008 was "hellish". It was a true "trying of my faith"...