Gender Is Not Fluid And Is Problematic

I was watching the Today Show this morning and they had a segment called, "An inside look at the blurring of gender lines". As I watched it, I was a bit confused. I was wondering what made people in American think gender is fluid? Gender is a word that means either of the two sexes (male and female). That's it. Sounds simple to me. So, how can it be fluid? I don't have all of the answers but this sounds like a case of semantics. It sounds like there is a need to discuss the definitions of gender, sexual identity and sexual preference.

As of today, the United States government has made no official acknowledgment or definition of non-binary or unspecified gender. The states have taken it upon themselves to allow non-binary gender markers on identification documents. I'm sure there are various reasons why someone would declare themselves as gender "x" and I hope it's worth the time, energy, attention, and finances they can potentially incur for the sake of having that status.

Recently, I read an article where a state is now allowing gender "x" as an option on driver's licenses. I see that as being potentially problematic in the future. "x" is basically an unknown gender to the person that sees it on documentation. Things that are unknown have a tendency to take an exponential amount of time, energy and sometimes finances. There are a plethora of things that are intentionally separated by 2 genders. Prisons, bathrooms, locker rooms, hospital rooms are intentionally separated by 2 genders. When a 3rd is added, won't it result in mishaps, extra added expenses or accommodations? In 2018 Forbes article stated the U.S. was one of "The World's Most Crowded Prison Systems". Is the prison system willing and able to accommodate gender "x"? Probably not. So, if you are unfortunate and end up in the prison system, your gender "x" status may not mean anything. Perhaps as a gender "x" you're admitted to a hospital. The potential for a fatal mishap increases significantly. Why? Because in the field of medicine there are not only gender-specific diseases but also gender-specific drug effects. The time it would take for medical staff to determine if a gender "x" patient required medication and/or dosage that was specific to male or female may result in misdiagnosis, misadministration or much worse, death. More than likely, the "x" gender person may be forced to choose one gender or the other in a lot of situations, so I guess I'm not understanding the point of declaring it at all. This societal construct of a third gender (x) seems like more trouble than it's worth. Individuals that have to face the landscape of determining medical treatment based on hormone levels rather than gender are individuals that are intersex or have ambiguous genitalia. This is irrefutably necessary because of their physical development. Without these (or any other) physical reasons, determining yourself as gender "x" seems more like a product of groupthink and part of this era that feels the need to affix self-proclaimed labels and statuses based on your "truth" or individuality.

If you've continued to read this far, you've probably decided that this blog is the rantings of a "cisgender person preaching cisnormativity", let me be clear, I have no qualms about the descriptives you use to define yourself, your sexual preference or orientation. You can declare the color of your skin sarcoline, wenge or eburnean, have a sexual affection for trees and worship the god of dirt or ants but legally, on a state or government issued identification, it would be in your own interest (for health and safety) to specify what gender you are currently. For those individuals that are individuals that are intersex or have ambiguous genitalia, I would hope most have already completed the medical diagnostics to determine the percentage of male and female hormones that they produce and for the purpose of getting accurate and appropriate medical attention the greater % of hormone would be determined as their gender.

There are always exceptions but it is rare that human genes, blood type, and gender biologically (as opposed to cosmetically) change after you're born. When people speak of gender fluidity, it sounds like a self-proclaimed and self-described gender identity that is not fixed or set and is based on an emotional or psychological level. This is not the same as your gender. Again, gender is a word that means either of the two sexes (male and female). So, my conclusion is that gender in and of itself is not fluid. (Yes, I said it. Gender is NOT fluid.) Until it takes more than a human female ovum and a human male sperm to produce a human being, IT...IS...NOT...FLUID. (Why not? Because a bunch of unfertilized ovum that sits around for a month produces nothing but menstruation along with cramps, nausea, pain, etc.)

When a new word or phrase starts trending through social media, I always try my best to understand it. I want to know where this word or phrase came from and why it came to be. If I didn't do my due diligence in researching it and asking questions, I could easily fall into the pit of groupthink. And although groupthink can be powerful, it is not always correct. Understanding "gender fluid" begins with the correct definition of it as well as the correct definitions of other gender-based identifiers. Gender is the way you were born biologically (or hormonally), sexual identity is what you proclaim yourself to be (in your mind, heart or soul, if you will) and sexual preference is who you've chosen to love romantically. If a conversation is had, let's start it from a place of true and accurate definitions.

The Hidden Expense of Newspaper Obituaries

My Father passed away in May 2018 from stage 4 living Cancer. Three weeks before he passed away (and when he was at his sickest, I was hospitalized battling a cancer issue as well. My parents had already prepaid their cemetery plots and headstones years ago and a few years earlier I decided to write my parents' obituaries while they were alive. It sounds a bit morbid, but it makes total sense. While alive, I was able to ask them details about where they lived, the correct spellings of names and if they wanted anything special added. I placed those obituaries on a cloud server and had given 2 other siblings access. I never would have imagined that my preparation was exactly what was needed at the time. I was hospitalized at the time that my Father's funeral was being planned. I was able to remind one of the siblings where his already written obituary was and it was a relief to my entire family that it was already written. Attempting to write an obituary at such an emotional time can be daunting.

Our relief quickly turned into disappointment when we realized how much it cost to place an obituary in the newspaper. My Father was the first close family member that has died, where I was somewhat intimately knowledgeable about the details of his funeral preparations. When my Brother began to place my Dad's obituary in the local newspaper, he was almost stymied at the expense of it. $100.00 per line! At a minimum, most people give the date, time and location of the funeral but after people have incurred the high priced burial expenses, allotting a substantial amount of money (to most) for a newspaper obituary doesn't make the cut. I recently read that the New York Times charged $263 for the first 4 lines and an additional charge for a picture. Some Newspapers charge you one price for a colored photo and another price for black & white. There's another charge depending on the size of your photo. The cost of obituaries in Newspapers is obvious price gouging during a time of mourning and it is exploitive. Most are totally opting out of this time-honored tradition that used to hold the memory of their loved one for years to come. People are now turning toward posting on the funeral home website (which is temporary) or other internet sites that are free.

There's a hidden expense that the lack of a newspaper obituary incurs that most don't think about. The expense lies in the form of history and memories. As the family genealogist, newspaper obituary archives are goldmines for family history. As I continue to fill my family tree full of thousands of names, obituaries from the past allow me to verify the names, locations, and dates of relatives from several generations back. Sometimes the obituaries of the past have allowed me to connect to relatives I didn't even know I had. Reading older obituaries is like having a short conversation with an ancestor. For a moment, the location, the people and the stories live again to be passed down to generations to come.

In my genealogical research, it appears that newspaper obituaries start to decline in the 1980s. They have all but disappeared (in my local paper) for minorities in general. My own Father's online obituary consists of two sentences and every time I see it, it saddens me. "(insert name here) passed away on (insert date here). (insert name here) was a resident of (insert state) at the time of passing."

Two sentences.

The Chronic Pain Chronicles, Part 10: The GCTOB

The GCTOB (giant cell tumor of the bone) is still with me, albeit, smaller in size. The Neurosurgeon who performed the surgery retired, but I was left in good hands. My first Oncology appointment after surgery was nerve-wracking. I was given more information about the tumor and the recommended protocols for permanent removal. Radiation or chemotherapy. Making that kind of decision is like choosing the lesser evil...and I chose chemo. Since there's no case like mine that's ever been documented, I guess you can say that my drug protocol is customized for me. I'm almost positive my case will be discussed in forums and conferences as well as written about in medical journals.

It took almost 10 months for my hands to be rid of the feeling of pins and needles, but the pain in my neck and arm on the left side is reminiscent of the pain prior to surgery. My left arm is weak and painful. My trapezium spasms any time I use my left arm and the spasms are painful. My left arm appears to be part of the permanent spinal damage I was warned about. Other spinal damage includes the inability to walk normally. I don't exactly walk like I'm drunk, but my gait is not stable. No amount of muscle strengthening seems to help thus far, but I'm going to keep on trying.

The amount of chronic daily pain I experience can be debilitating. The daily chronic migraines are blinding. Knowing your triggers helps, but it doesn't prevent the migraine from occurring at all. Attempting to find joy in life is hard.


This blog isn't called "The Chronic Pain Chronicles" for nothing. Continue to Part 11.