Superwoman...I am not!

Funny thing happened last Tuesday. Well...it's funny NOW! After 3 weeks of IV pain meds, nothing worked but I did notice an increase in neck pain. The "Headache Dr" sent me back to the "Pain Management Dr". I go to the Pain Management Dr, not knowing what he was going to do. After he speaks with me he decides he will do 4 injections on each side of the occipital bone. He then says, "You can be sedated or not. It's totally up to you and if you don't want it, you don't have to have it." Because he's never said this to me before, it left me thinking maybe this procedure didn't hurt so bad. After all, I just endured 3 weeks of being poked in the hand and both arms. How much more could this hurt, right? So...I decided not to be sedated.
I put on my hospital gown, I'm rolled in the surgery suite and I lay face down on the surgery bed. The nurse begins to sanitize the area from the nape of my neck all the way into my hair line. Meanwhile, I was thinking, "How am I gonna get that stuff outta my hair?"
The Dr. comes in and says,"Okay, this is the numbing solution. Your going to feel a little stick and a little bit of burning." Um....it was NOT so little. OMG! I quickly realized I have NEVER felt a needle penetrate any part of my head before (except for ear piercings), so this is a new sensation that I quickly realize I do not like. After remembering to breathe, I then feel ANOTHER poke. It was a 2nd needle with the medication. Wait a minute! I could hear the liquid squirting in my head!! I quickly realized, I wouldn't be getting 4 injections...I would be getting 8! After the first 2 sets of injections, I really wanted to quit, jump off the table and run out of the room. Had I stopped to yell, "Sedate me now!", I would have delayed the process another 15 minutes. So, I just gritted my teeth and bared the pain. I NEVER want to feel that kind of pain again. It was absolutely excruciating!
To make matters worse, I left the surgery center in as much pain as I came. The soreness wouldn't really go away for about 5 days and the medication would take up to 3 weeks to fully work. :::Heavy sigh::: Just when I think I can't take another thing, God shows me that He created me to be a lot stronger than I think.

R U Kidding me?

Have you ever been so angry that you can't begin to think of an outlet for the anger?
After the "burning of the nerve" treatment, these daily migraines started. I have a feeling they were always there, I just didn't feel them because I was dealing with a greater pain. These daily migraines are driving me crazy! I just went through 2 weeks of intravenous drug treatment and nothing has worked! I look like a darn junkie!
I honestly don't know how much more I can endure. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Now I see why people commit suicide over pain. Not that I'm one of them...I just have a better understanding of the need for pain relief at any cost.
I am one of those who is anxiously awaiting the outcome of the healthcare reform. Right now I'm in a very awkward place. I believe my migraines are from nerves being aggravated by the bulging disks or turned vertebrae in my neck. So far, neither neurologist I've seen has given any thought to realigning my neck. I know my chiropractor could do it and it would give me relief (albeit for only a couple of days), however, I seemed to have exhausted my LIFETIME benefit of chiropractic services. Yes...I said, "LIFETIME"! So, I guess if I have any back problems a chiropractor could resolve, it would have to come directly out of my pocket (of which I can not afford). So, I either go to neurologist who will medicate me to death or find money to go to a chiropractor for the rest of my life! Sounds like a no-win situation.
My 40th year of life has been filled with more pain than pleasure. Don't get me wrong...I do thank God for allowing me to live for almost 41 years, I just never anticipated "living" with physical pain. The migraines have had me kind of living in the darkness...literally. Our bedroom windows have been covered for 98% of the summer. My best friend saw me a few weeks ago and remarked at how pale I looked. No wonder. I got very little sunlight this past summer. Because I'm always lying down, the muscles in my body are atrophying and that alone is a painful daily experience that seems to occur at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. If I try to do the least bit of exercise, the room spins and the pain in my head gets worse. It seems like anything I attempt to do to help myself just fails or backfires. This is the perfect set up for a miracle, because I see no natural way out of this situation.
I sometimes wish I could go somewhere like the Mayo Clinic. I'd be in a place where I could really get the undivided attention of professionals and not be medicated to oblivion.
Lord help...saints pray.