Flaws and All

I really do thank God, I had God-fearing parents.  I don't think I would be the person that I am today, if I didn't.  Don't get it twisted, I have no "golden rule" book...I have the Bible.  Just because I read it, doesn't mean I think I'm perfect, I've arrived or any thing like that.  I don't see myself as better than anyone, I see myself as a Godly creation with flaws.  Sound a bit like an oxymoron?  Yes!  And that's the beauty of it.  I was created by a perfect God...flaws and all.

I'm flawed genetically because I see the same ailments in me that are in my parents.  I'm flawed emotionally because I was reared by imperfect parents, in an imperfect family and have been bounced around this imperfect world for 40 plus years.  I'm imperfect physically because I liked food more than exercise, and straight, over-relaxed hair more than my own beautifully coiled locks.

So, I wonder then, why God would you even bother to create such imperfect creatures like me?  And the answer is, our imperfections build character.  Our imperfections are character builders for others as well.  Sometimes the imperfections and flaws we see in ourselves aren't seen as such to others.  This is why I can embrace ALL of my flaws.  From the emotional to the physical, I'm beautiful...flaws and all. :)

Weight Loss...So What?

It took me 1.5 years to lose about 65 lbs, but no one really noticed but my husband and my Momma. That fact is when you are morbidly obese, 65 lbs is a drop in the bucket. On an average person, they would have gone from a size 14 to a size 2! As for me...still wearing the same clothes, they just fit a little looser and it seems as though I've gotten a little flabbier. Not fat. Skin! If I'm walking and stop suddenly, it seems like my skin is about 5 seconds behind me...and that ain't cute! Only now am I starting to feel the need for that good old fashioned girdles your Mother use to wear. I just refuse to wear any such garment in the mist of a 90 degree plus heatwave. In the words of Beyonce, "I don't think your ready for this jelly."...so don't look.

My weight loss has been rather underwhelming. Since I've not worked for almost a year, it's not like I can excitedly go purchase a new wardrobe. I haven't really changed what I eat. If anything, I just simply and suddenly lost my appetite for food. When you lose your appetite, cooking is just no fun anymore and there's nothing that really appeals to me. Right now I'm between chicken nuggets and granola bars. They're the only two things that I want to eat...or make myself eat. That's really strange for me to do that because in the summer, I'm ravenous for fresh fruits and vegetables...and I usually become a bit of a "salad-aholic", however, this summer I can't seem to recall eating one salad...yet. Sad. Very sad. The only healthy thing I seem to have established is drinking lots of water. I drink so much water, I should have grown gills by now. In fact, I drink so much water, I've noticed that I've had to buy a lot more toilet paper...or maybe that's because I've been home and not working. (Side note: Do you realize how much toilet paper you save by going to work? It's amazing!)

Back to the weight loss topic. I started walking my dogs in the winter and since then, I've twisted one ankle, scraped my left knee (TWICE!) and broken my fibula. Yep...call me "clumsy"! I don't know if my equilibrium is off or if my big dog is secretly tripping me. Nonetheless, my recent fracture has had me "benched" for a while and I've only been able to get motivated to walk once this week. It's pure laziness because I wake up early enough to walk, I just can't seem to get my body out of the bed, to put on clothes, lasso the dogs and go out in that humidity. :::Heavy sigh::: Now that I've confessed, I guess I'll get out and try walking again tomorrow. I guess I need to drop about 50 more pounds, so people will start noticing. Ha!

Love and Marriage

Love and marriage may be two different words, however, one can not successfully exist without the other. If one does not know what unconditional love is, one should not marry. There is a huge different between, "I love my Prada bag." and "I love you." If you hesitate for a moment, when someone asks you the question, "Which one do you love more?", you probably are not ready to marry.

My husband was reared with conditional love. He felt he was loved only if he completed a task or act. In the early days of our marriage, I remember showing him that I loved him, no matter if we argued or not. Just because we argue, doesn't mean I'm going to punish him by not preparing dinner or washing his clothes, however, this is what he was accustomed to.

I think many marriages start off with "conditional love". The fiance may think, "If he keeps treating me with wine, roses and song, I'm definitely going to marry him." I'm here to tell you, your marriage has got to have enough stamina and UNconditional love to last beyond the wine bottle going dry, the roses dying and the songs ceasing. Unconditional love is loving the person when TV dinners have taken the place of fine dining, a bouquet of flowers from the floral shop are replaced with a single flower appropriated from the neighbors garden (lol) and the only songs that are sung come from the shower.

In a wedding, your vows should be more important than the decoration. Really? Yes, really! The decor is going to be reused or thrown out, however, your vows are your promise to one another for the REST OF YOUR LIVES. Oh yeah...you know that garble-dee-goop the minister says? The stuff that no one usually pays attention to because they are so enamored by the bride and groom? Your minister/reverend/pastor/priest probably mentioned God in there somewhere. Did you pay attention? Do you know what he/she meant by that? Somewhere in there, you were also vowing a vow to God, and the witnesses were all the people you invited to the wedding. So, you made a vow or promise to each other and God to love. Out of all the other words utilized in wedding vows, I would venture to say, love is probably used in 99% of them.

Thankfully, divorces are on a decline. My hope is that it is due to people being wiser about their reasons for marrying and finding marriage counselling when needed, but unconditional love is the key to a successful marriage.

What A Mighty Good Man

I love my husband. I have the best husband in the whole wide world. It's times like this when I remember a part in our marriage vows; "in sickness and in health". For the past 3 years, I have been ill and by the grace of God, my husband and I have become closer than we've ever been in our 12 years of marriage.

I realize now how very independent I was, even while married and it seem as though my husband has always been looking for an opportunity to really take care of me. Now that he is, he seems so much more dedicated, passionate and stronger.

I am now a housewife, partly due to unemployment but mostly due to my illness. I have to admit, I was initially stir crazy just sitting around the house. I kept feeling like I was a failure because I wasn't contributing (monetarily) to the household, however, now I'm piddling around the house being "Mrs. Cleaver"...cooking, cleaning, mending, sewing...and it feels great to do these things for him. Who would have thought during a recession, I would become a homemaker?

To the man I love so deeply:
You have been my strength in a time of weakness, a calm during my mental breakdowns and a comfort when I am doubtful. Your prayers...the way you embrace me and keep one hand on me while I sleep...it's all so unbelievable wonderful. God created you just for me and I'm the most fortunate woman in the world because of it. I love you..."to infinity and beyond"!

Attention Smokers....I've Got A Few Questions For You!

I don't like smoke. I don't like it from a grill, from a backfiring car, a chimney, smokestack...I just don't like it. I'm the dork that will put on a shower cap before manning the grill outside, in the middle of the summer. Although I LOVE grilled food, I am typically not the "grill master". I digress.

I am going to assume that if you smoke, it's because you enjoy doing it, right? Whether you call it an addiction, a favorite past time, relaxing or fun, I highly doubt that anyone smokes because they're forced to do so. With that being said, here are some questions I have for people who smoke:

1. Why do you think you can cover up the smokey smell with perfume or cologne? Sorry, but you just smell like stinky perfume or cologne.
2. Why do you try to hide it? It's in your clothes, your hair, your skin, your car, your house, the upholstery of your car, the wood in your house...I don't care how much you think you've cleaned, a non-smoker can tell.
3. Do you smoke for the smoke or for the nicotine?
4. So...you KNOW you're slowly killing yourself and everyone around you, right?
5. Why, when you smoke in your car, do you roll down the window and blow it out of the window? Don't you want all that smoke in there with you? Do us non-smokers a favor and keep your window rolled up, so your smoke won't blow back into the cars behind you.
6. Do you not think you're breath doesn't stink? Do us all a favor and carry trial sized bottles of Scope, Listerine or something on your person at all times. Thank you. Much appreciated.
7. Why do you think you have a right to smoke in public places? (e.g. right outside the door of a store). We don't have the right to pee anywhere we want to, so why should you have the right to put public health in jeopardy?
8. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you when you get lung cancer or have chronic asthma?
9. What makes it okay for you to throw your cigarette butts on the ground or out the window of your moving car? It's still called littering and still illegal.
10. Will you please heed the warnings of not filling up your gas tank while smoking...especially when I'm at the same gas station?

Sorry folks...just needed to get some things off my chest (pun intended). ;P And to all my smoking friends...I still have love for you...just not your habit.

Happy New Year!

I'm so thankful that I woke up to January 1st with energy and positivity! I hadn't done that in about 3 years. I pray this year will be better than the last and so far, it has. One huge difference is not having to get up in the mornings and go to work. It's still strange but I guess I'll get use to it. Most of the colleagues that swore to stay close and communicate have disappeared back into corporate America. Fortunately, I have a few that I still have lunch with every now and then....or communicate with via FB.

Hopefully, I'll write or video blog more frequently this year. We'll see. Until then...happy new year, everyone!