Real Gratitude: More than a typical "Thank You"

When was the last time your child received a gift and you had them to send the giver a thank you card? When was the last time YOU sent someone a thank you card, gave the mail carrier a gift card, sent the teacher a jar of homemade cookies? The question I'd like to ask is: What does gratitude look like to you?

My Mother is from the "cursive writing and send a card for everything" era. To this day (and she's now in her mid-80s) she sends out cards for almost every occasion. My Mother taught me to be an unconditional giver. She didn't give expecting anything in return...but a little gratitude. A thank you card was typically what she expected and anything more than that was usually a complete and pleasant surprise. I too, send out cards. Thank you cards, cards of encouragement, I miss you cards...all that. Why? Because I think it's really cool to know that the minute the card is opened and read, a smile comes across the face of the receiver and a splash of endorphins hits their system. (Yes, I know we now can do that with Facebook posts, but there's nothing that can replace a card or letter in the mail.)

My gratitude for others can come in various ways. Beyond the typical card or flowers, I have cleaned out pantries, cooked meals, organized closets, painted walls, revised resumes, taken people to lunch or dinner, created stationery, logos, flyers and have even done a room makeover. All because I wanted to show my appreciation for the other person. To me, gratitude can go beyond just saying thank you.

I once overheard a teenage child say, "She gave it to me. I didn't ask her for it. At least I said thank you." I was more than appalled at what I heard but I quickly realized, those very words spoken by that teenager was the embodiment of her generation. Today's kids are not asking parents, "Will I or can I have a cellphone?" it's more of "When am I going to get a cellphone?". Some parents give them before the child can even ask for it. That speaks to the parent's motivation, which is often a security measure. The reality is that we are a culture that can no longer operate in society without smartphones. What once was a convenience is now a necessity. The same for other technology. 20 years ago it was convenient to have at least one computer in the house, now every person in the household has there own personal technology of choice. It's normal to have several smart TVs with a streaming device (e.g. Amazon Firestick, Roku or Chromecast) or laptops, smartphones and tablets under one roof. This supports the entitlement attitude. Often times, the school requires certain technology, so it's a given that it will be purchased. So, how is a child to be grateful for something they feel like is the equivalent of pencils on a school supply list?

I fear my generation has done the generations after us a great disservice. We reared a generation of entitlement and ungrateful humans. Growing up in the 60s and 70s, material things did not come easy. You had to save your money. The money that Grandma gave you, money from the tooth fairy, birthdays and chores, your paper route or babysitting. My parents purchased things with cash, layaways or 90 days same as cash. The need for credit or a credit card meant you were "cash poor" and there was a tidbit of shame that came along with that need for credit. The only time a loan was needed was to acquire a house or car. Fast forward to our current era and it is a culture of credit. The banking system found a way to make money by charging interest and fees for any and everything and the rest is credit debt and bankruptcy history.

Credit and money from loans equal instant gratification. Gone are the days of saving up to purchase a new car. At the very least all you can do is save up for the down payment of a new car and then try to get a low-interest car loan for the rest. At least that's a big ticket item. We go wrong when we get a loan to go Christmas shopping...and then struggle to pay the rent or house bills for the months of January and February. Why? To satisfy the expectation of friends and loved ones? This is not logical or practical yet for some, it's an annual ritual.

Having said all this, I realized 2 things:
1. Our need for technology will only grow.
2. Teaching a demonstrative type of gratitude is the best way for the future generations to know and show REAL gratitude.

Again, I ask you, "What does gratitude look like to you?"