2008 was such an unexpected year for me. I spent it more IN pain than out. On top of all that, I only worked about 4 months out of the entire year. Don't get me wrong, most people would have loved to have been off work for most of the year, however, not in pain!
Because of what 2008 was like, I braced myself entering 2009. More pain, more therapy, more trips to the chiropractors office, more medical bills created. How do people with disabilities survive financially? Am I scared? Terrified! I don't know how much longer I'll be able to work. My illness could take a turn for the worse at any given time. It gives me a greater appreciation for life...one day at a time.
Do I have good days? Of course! Do I have bad days? Definitely! Sometimes they last days long. I think because I act so "normal" when I'm out of pain, people seem to think I'm on the upswing or cured. Not so much. The hardest thing about it, is how totally out of control I feel regarding my body. It seems to have a mind of its own and pays me NO attention.
I'm beginning to realize how much it tends to rule my life. I haven't been on a real vacation because I'm not sure how my back would survive an airplane flight, I tend to not stray too far from home because I feel like I need to be within reach of my chiropractor to twist my spine back to it's intended shape. I can't plan things in advance because there's the possibility that I may cancel because my body is rebelling.
I want my life back...I want my health back...and I want my body back, so I'm on a mission to be as "normal" as possible...whatever that means and whatever it takes.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Las Vegas Was Waiting!
So, let me tell you what happened to me this time last year. This time last year I was in a consistent habit of water aerobics 3 times a week, I had already been on a business trip to Toronto (Yeah...in the dead of winter!) and was on my way to Las Vegas to celebrate my sister's birthday. One day before leaving Las Vegas, as I was getting dressed for work, "something" slipped in my back. The pain was excruciating and I couldn't move. As one with a history of lumber disk herniations, I thought it was just another "episode". Ice pack and flat on the back...that's the normal routine when that happens. After all, I HAD to get back on my feet, Las Vegas was waiting!
The very day, I was to leave for Las Vegas I had a second episode...same as the first. This time with no hubby to assist me to the bed, I crawled to the bed chanting, "I think I can! I think I can!", popped enough Lortab to knock an elephant out and layed very still for about 30 mins. I couldn't just LAY there right? Las Vegas was waiting!!
My sister (who's birthday we were celebrating) had NO clue what I was going through, and I didn't want her to know. She'd never been to Las Vegas and we were going, come heck or high water... or muscle spasms...herniated disks...drug induced coma...etc. Moving ever so slowly, I managed to get ready. The Lortab was beginning to kick in.
Some how we managed to book a flight out to Las Vegas right after a MAJOR snow dump on the city. Didn't matter! We were going! Las Vegas was waiting!! We pulled into the airport parking lot, shoved our heavy winter coats and gear in the trunk of the car and scrambled to the nearest shuttle shelter. Jumped on the shuttle, got through security, ran to the gate AND...the flight was late.
My sister had NO idea what was going to happen in Las Vegas. It was a total surprise. I had booked tickets to see her most favorite artist in the world, "Gino Vanelli", (Okay, so no one has seen or heard him since the early 80's.) made reservations at a posh Japanese restaurant (Japonais) and planned for another of her favorite things to do...shopping!
We finally boarded the plane and when we were almost to Vegas, I gave her a colorful envelope with an agenda of our weekend (except for the Gino Vanelli part), a copy of the restaurant menu and a map of the strip. She was so excited. She knew we were going to a venue but she didn't know who. I started to get worried because we were going to arrive late and I didn't want to lose our tickets. When the plane touched down, I immediately called the Flamingo Hotel to make sure our tickets were still secure. Unfortunately, my sister overheard me say, "Gino Vanelli". I guess shoving my face in the window of the plane, while cupping my hand over my mouth didn't deter her from hearing me on the cellphone. When I got off the phone, I looked at her and said, "Did you just hear what I said?", she said, "Yes!" and did this weird "wiggle giggle combo move" in her seat.
Since I've been to Las Vegas several times, as we unboarded the plane I looked at her and simple said, "Follow me 'cause I'm movin' fast!" Even if she was behind me, she would see me because she's darn near 6 ft tall. My brain was moving fast, trying to figure out how we could get to the venue the fastest because our shuttle tix would take us to our hotel, not the hotel where the venue was. Suddenly, my inner "hustler" came out. I went to go get the shuttle tickets and the rep at the ticket counter asked me, "Where do you need to go?". Hmmmm...she didn't ask me where was I staying, right? So, I said, "We need to go to the Flamingo Hotel." She gave us our shuttle tix and off we went!
We jump off the shuttle, roll our bags into the Flamingo, up to the counter we go to get our tix, across the gaming floor, hit the door of the venue and the person at the door says, "You can't take your luggage in there." I gave them a "Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?" kind of look and said, "We're not booked at this hotel, so what do you suggest we do?" Eureka! How would I know by having our luggage that we would get a very cool Vegas kind of seat? (Ok, so what if we were in the very back.) We were in one of those huge half moon booths, drinking something fruity and waving the lights from our cellphones in the air, rockin' out with "Gino Vanelli"!
What an awesome trip! We popped pain meds the entire trip but it was SO worth it. It was only when we got home that we begin to realize the condition of our bodies. My sister had just gotten a walking cast removed the week prior to our trip and was still suffering from some pain and the DAY after we got back, I ended up in the Dr's office with a severe pinched nerve that knocked me out for WEEKS. ALL for VEGAS, BABY! ALL for VEGAS!!!!
The very day, I was to leave for Las Vegas I had a second episode...same as the first. This time with no hubby to assist me to the bed, I crawled to the bed chanting, "I think I can! I think I can!", popped enough Lortab to knock an elephant out and layed very still for about 30 mins. I couldn't just LAY there right? Las Vegas was waiting!!
My sister (who's birthday we were celebrating) had NO clue what I was going through, and I didn't want her to know. She'd never been to Las Vegas and we were going, come heck or high water... or muscle spasms...herniated disks...drug induced coma...etc. Moving ever so slowly, I managed to get ready. The Lortab was beginning to kick in.
Some how we managed to book a flight out to Las Vegas right after a MAJOR snow dump on the city. Didn't matter! We were going! Las Vegas was waiting!! We pulled into the airport parking lot, shoved our heavy winter coats and gear in the trunk of the car and scrambled to the nearest shuttle shelter. Jumped on the shuttle, got through security, ran to the gate AND...the flight was late.
My sister had NO idea what was going to happen in Las Vegas. It was a total surprise. I had booked tickets to see her most favorite artist in the world, "Gino Vanelli", (Okay, so no one has seen or heard him since the early 80's.) made reservations at a posh Japanese restaurant (Japonais) and planned for another of her favorite things to do...shopping!
We finally boarded the plane and when we were almost to Vegas, I gave her a colorful envelope with an agenda of our weekend (except for the Gino Vanelli part), a copy of the restaurant menu and a map of the strip. She was so excited. She knew we were going to a venue but she didn't know who. I started to get worried because we were going to arrive late and I didn't want to lose our tickets. When the plane touched down, I immediately called the Flamingo Hotel to make sure our tickets were still secure. Unfortunately, my sister overheard me say, "Gino Vanelli". I guess shoving my face in the window of the plane, while cupping my hand over my mouth didn't deter her from hearing me on the cellphone. When I got off the phone, I looked at her and said, "Did you just hear what I said?", she said, "Yes!" and did this weird "wiggle giggle combo move" in her seat.
Since I've been to Las Vegas several times, as we unboarded the plane I looked at her and simple said, "Follow me 'cause I'm movin' fast!" Even if she was behind me, she would see me because she's darn near 6 ft tall. My brain was moving fast, trying to figure out how we could get to the venue the fastest because our shuttle tix would take us to our hotel, not the hotel where the venue was. Suddenly, my inner "hustler" came out. I went to go get the shuttle tickets and the rep at the ticket counter asked me, "Where do you need to go?". Hmmmm...she didn't ask me where was I staying, right? So, I said, "We need to go to the Flamingo Hotel." She gave us our shuttle tix and off we went!
We jump off the shuttle, roll our bags into the Flamingo, up to the counter we go to get our tix, across the gaming floor, hit the door of the venue and the person at the door says, "You can't take your luggage in there." I gave them a "Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?" kind of look and said, "We're not booked at this hotel, so what do you suggest we do?" Eureka! How would I know by having our luggage that we would get a very cool Vegas kind of seat? (Ok, so what if we were in the very back.) We were in one of those huge half moon booths, drinking something fruity and waving the lights from our cellphones in the air, rockin' out with "Gino Vanelli"!
What an awesome trip! We popped pain meds the entire trip but it was SO worth it. It was only when we got home that we begin to realize the condition of our bodies. My sister had just gotten a walking cast removed the week prior to our trip and was still suffering from some pain and the DAY after we got back, I ended up in the Dr's office with a severe pinched nerve that knocked me out for WEEKS. ALL for VEGAS, BABY! ALL for VEGAS!!!!
Monday, February 02, 2009
70% of African-American Women in the US are Single
An astounding statistic when you first see it. The following are statistics taken from the book, "Food For The Soul" by Maryanne Campbell:
"Some experts say there are between 35 to 45 single black men who are in college or have jobs for ever 100 black women. The more education and income a black woman has, the fewer eligible black men on her level."
"Black men suffer far worse health than any other racial group in America..."
"Black men live 7.1 years less than other racial groups..."
Black men have a high suicide rate. "It is the 3rd leading cause of death in 15 to 24 year olds."
"In 73% of black-white marriages, the husband was black." Black men have white wives 2.65 times more than black women have white husbands. Five times as many black men live with white women as white men live with black women."
Looking at it from a different perspective, I would have the following questions: What if other men of color chose not to (for whatever reason) approach Black women? What if other men of color felt like Black women didn't want to be approached?
Are Black women willing to date outside of Black men?
How many of the 70% statistic are gay and wouldn't date a Black man anyway?
It boils down to this...love is colorless...it really is. Until we reach beyond our fears, filters and judgments, we'll never know how encompassing and unconditional love really is and if those are the walls that prevent you from dating or finding your mate, then shame on you. No one else can be the blame for your "singleness". Yes, I'm married, however, the best boyfriend I ever had was not a Black man. He treated me with respect, wined me, dined me, was very spontaneous and original about his gifts and they were always given with such depth of thought and heart. He was indeed a rare find, but don't forget...he was not a Black man. So, ladies...make sure your single status is not your own doing.
"Some experts say there are between 35 to 45 single black men who are in college or have jobs for ever 100 black women. The more education and income a black woman has, the fewer eligible black men on her level."
"Black men suffer far worse health than any other racial group in America..."
"Black men live 7.1 years less than other racial groups..."
Black men have a high suicide rate. "It is the 3rd leading cause of death in 15 to 24 year olds."
"In 73% of black-white marriages, the husband was black." Black men have white wives 2.65 times more than black women have white husbands. Five times as many black men live with white women as white men live with black women."
Looking at it from a different perspective, I would have the following questions: What if other men of color chose not to (for whatever reason) approach Black women? What if other men of color felt like Black women didn't want to be approached?
Are Black women willing to date outside of Black men?
How many of the 70% statistic are gay and wouldn't date a Black man anyway?
It boils down to this...love is colorless...it really is. Until we reach beyond our fears, filters and judgments, we'll never know how encompassing and unconditional love really is and if those are the walls that prevent you from dating or finding your mate, then shame on you. No one else can be the blame for your "singleness". Yes, I'm married, however, the best boyfriend I ever had was not a Black man. He treated me with respect, wined me, dined me, was very spontaneous and original about his gifts and they were always given with such depth of thought and heart. He was indeed a rare find, but don't forget...he was not a Black man. So, ladies...make sure your single status is not your own doing.
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Hallelujah in Hebrew While songs by Richard Smallwood ("The Highest Praise") and CeCe Winans ("Hallelujah Praise")... -
Well, it's finally here...2009. I'm really glad because 2008 was "hellish". It was a true "trying of my faith"...