2008 was such an unexpected year for me. I spent it more IN pain than out. On top of all that, I only worked about 4 months out of the entire year. Don't get me wrong, most people would have loved to have been off work for most of the year, however, not in pain!
Because of what 2008 was like, I braced myself entering 2009. More pain, more therapy, more trips to the chiropractors office, more medical bills created. How do people with disabilities survive financially? Am I scared? Terrified! I don't know how much longer I'll be able to work. My illness could take a turn for the worse at any given time. It gives me a greater appreciation for life...one day at a time.
Do I have good days? Of course! Do I have bad days? Definitely! Sometimes they last days long. I think because I act so "normal" when I'm out of pain, people seem to think I'm on the upswing or cured. Not so much. The hardest thing about it, is how totally out of control I feel regarding my body. It seems to have a mind of its own and pays me NO attention.
I'm beginning to realize how much it tends to rule my life. I haven't been on a real vacation because I'm not sure how my back would survive an airplane flight, I tend to not stray too far from home because I feel like I need to be within reach of my chiropractor to twist my spine back to it's intended shape. I can't plan things in advance because there's the possibility that I may cancel because my body is rebelling.
I want my life back...I want my health back...and I want my body back, so I'm on a mission to be as "normal" as possible...whatever that means and whatever it takes.
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Hallelujah in Hebrew While songs by Richard Smallwood ("The Highest Praise") and CeCe Winans ("Hallelujah Praise")... -
Well, it's finally here...2009. I'm really glad because 2008 was "hellish". It was a true "trying of my faith"...
2 comments:
I knew that you were on leave but didn't realize the extend of your tough year. Sorry to hear about your back troubles. I love Vegas too and I am glad to hear you had a good time there. You know what you should do for your next vacation -- rent an RV! It is not the most luxurious way travel and can still tight quarter. However, your back can get some rest and you defintely won't have to sit through the entire vacation :-)
PTL you were able to make the trip. I'm praying that 2009 will be a less painful year for you. As you know God really can do anything. During your bouts of pain may god provide comfort, expand the joy embedded in your spirit and give you hope to press on! Love ya
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