Friday, August 21, 2009

Can you bear it?

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." I can honestly say I've questioned this scripture over the past few months. Having had to bear excruciating pain like I've never experienced before in my life made me ask God, "So you think I can bear this?" Now only having come out on the other side a few times, have I realized and been assured, qith God's help...yes...I can.
I had the final procedure Tuesday. Cervical Facet Neurotomy... and it was the craziest thing I've ever experienced on an operating table. I had no anesthetic...via IV or local. I had 4 large hollow needles probing along my cervical spine to find the nerves that were causing me to experience the most pain. Never in my life have I ever HEARD a needle poking it's way threw layers of skin, sinew, tendon and muscle. It was like small pops in my ear. When I began to explain it to my husband he asked jokingly, "Was it like that guy on "The Hulk"?" My husband was speaking of a part in the movie where the "hulk" formula was being injected into a soldiers bone marrow. It make the most sickening pop that almost made you feel it. "No way!" I said.
With each needle, the Dr had to poke certain parts of my nerves and then send a jolt of electricity to see exactly what responded. So, there were times where my head, neck, arm and hand jumped from the charge. "Well that's not it." the Dr. would say.
Oh by the way, remember I'm doing this with no anesthetic. Why? The Dr needed me to feel what he was doing. Each time seemed to last forever and even though I moaned and groaned throughout the procedure the entire staff said I did really well. I can only imagine what the patients that didn't do so well did. There were times I felt like leaping from the table and running out the operating room door...hospital gown, footies and all! (LOL) My analytical side was too curious to move...it actually wanted to experience what was going on. My other side kept calling on Jesus and trying to be courteous to their trivial questions like,"Do you have any children?", "So, what do you do?".(LOL!!) I know they were trying to keep my mind off of what was happening but that tactic wasn't really working, I was just appeasing them with answers.
Finally...after the Dr found this 4 targets,then came the burning of the nerves. Did I feel it? HECK YEAH!!!! Could I hear it? No. Did I smell it? No. Finally, after the 4 nerve was burned, he injected something to numb the area. I could hear the fluid as it was squeezed from the syringe and entered my body. I felt it when he pulled the hollow needles from my neck and a cool fluid fell on my neck. I have a feeling the fluid was my own blood. After 2 band-aids were applied, I was wheeled out of the OR and into recovery.
In recovery, I just chatted with my Mother. Initially, I didn't think there was really anything to recover from because I had no anesthesia and the pain hadn't quite it me yet. Just thirty minutes later, I asked for Percocet and an ice pack. for the next 48 hours Percocet and ice were my best friends. The pain was excruciating and I cried out of frustration a couple of times, however, three days later I no longer needed the ice pack and I traded in my Percocet for Vicoprofen.
One thing I didn't anticipate was an addiction to pain killers, but after being on a narcotic around the clock for almost 5 months, I should have expected it. The way I know I'm addicted is because when I miss my dosages thru the night, I get the most hellacious migraines ever. Last night was a 3 hour marathon of moaning, groaning and crying in pain. I think it started at 2pm. My precious, loving husband, prayed over me, massaged me, spoke sweetly to me but that migraine was not shaking loose. He made me take a hot shower, drink apple juice and wanted me to eat but even chewing seemed to hurt at that time, so I couldn't. I initially took a migraine medication but that didn't help. An hour later I took an over the counter medication for Migraines but that didn't work either. Out of frustration, an hour later I took the narcotic and slowly (and I mean SLOWLY) the headache began to dissipate. I'm not sure my husband ever went back to sleep. All I know is I woke up at 7:42am with no migraine, no appetite and almost afraid to move.
Only God could know I would be able to bear so much pain in the last 5 months because I sure couldn't. My prayer now is that the procedure was successful (I really won't know until 3 weeks) and my body will be weaned from the narcotics safely and totally.
This has been occurring the entire summer of 2009 and this has been my trial to bear. If I can bear mine, I'm sure by the grace of God, you can bear yours as well.

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