Real Gratitude: More than a typical "Thank You"

When was the last time your child received a gift and you had them to send the giver a thank you card? When was the last time YOU sent someone a thank you card, gave the mail carrier a gift card, sent the teacher a jar of homemade cookies? The question I'd like to ask is: What does gratitude look like to you?

My Mother is from the "cursive writing and send a card for everything" era. To this day (and she's now in her mid-80s) she sends out cards for almost every occasion. My Mother taught me to be an unconditional giver. She didn't give expecting anything in return...but a little gratitude. A thank you card was typically what she expected and anything more than that was usually a complete and pleasant surprise. I too, send out cards. Thank you cards, cards of encouragement, I miss you cards...all that. Why? Because I think it's really cool to know that the minute the card is opened and read, a smile comes across the face of the receiver and a splash of endorphins hits their system. (Yes, I know we now can do that with Facebook posts, but there's nothing that can replace a card or letter in the mail.)

My gratitude for others can come in various ways. Beyond the typical card or flowers, I have cleaned out pantries, cooked meals, organized closets, painted walls, revised resumes, taken people to lunch or dinner, created stationery, logos, flyers and have even done a room makeover. All because I wanted to show my appreciation for the other person. To me, gratitude can go beyond just saying thank you.

I once overheard a teenage child say, "She gave it to me. I didn't ask her for it. At least I said thank you." I was more than appalled at what I heard but I quickly realized, those very words spoken by that teenager was the embodiment of her generation. Today's kids are not asking parents, "Will I or can I have a cellphone?" it's more of "When am I going to get a cellphone?". Some parents give them before the child can even ask for it. That speaks to the parent's motivation, which is often a security measure. The reality is that we are a culture that can no longer operate in society without smartphones. What once was a convenience is now a necessity. The same for other technology. 20 years ago it was convenient to have at least one computer in the house, now every person in the household has there own personal technology of choice. It's normal to have several smart TVs with a streaming device (e.g. Amazon Firestick, Roku or Chromecast) or laptops, smartphones and tablets under one roof. This supports the entitlement attitude. Often times, the school requires certain technology, so it's a given that it will be purchased. So, how is a child to be grateful for something they feel like is the equivalent of pencils on a school supply list?

I fear my generation has done the generations after us a great disservice. We reared a generation of entitlement and ungrateful humans. Growing up in the 60s and 70s, material things did not come easy. You had to save your money. The money that Grandma gave you, money from the tooth fairy, birthdays and chores, your paper route or babysitting. My parents purchased things with cash, layaways or 90 days same as cash. The need for credit or a credit card meant you were "cash poor" and there was a tidbit of shame that came along with that need for credit. The only time a loan was needed was to acquire a house or car. Fast forward to our current era and it is a culture of credit. The banking system found a way to make money by charging interest and fees for any and everything and the rest is credit debt and bankruptcy history.

Credit and money from loans equal instant gratification. Gone are the days of saving up to purchase a new car. At the very least all you can do is save up for the down payment of a new car and then try to get a low-interest car loan for the rest. At least that's a big ticket item. We go wrong when we get a loan to go Christmas shopping...and then struggle to pay the rent or house bills for the months of January and February. Why? To satisfy the expectation of friends and loved ones? This is not logical or practical yet for some, it's an annual ritual.

Having said all this, I realized 2 things:
1. Our need for technology will only grow.
2. Teaching a demonstrative type of gratitude is the best way for the future generations to know and show REAL gratitude.

Again, I ask you, "What does gratitude look like to you?"

The Chronic Pain Chronicles, Part 2: Back Pain

Photo by Sam Burriss on Unsplash

I used to think there was no worse pain than back pain. (That changed in 2018, but that's a story for later.) My life was pretty normal until 1997. In 1997, I started having some crippling back pain and I had no idea why or where it was coming from. I felt like going to my family provider would result in nothing but pain meds and I wanted to get to the root of the problem. I went to the phone book (Yes, I'm dating myself.) and found a Chiropractor on my side of town. The clinic was warm, welcoming and informative. A set of MRIs revealed that I had 2 herniated discs in the lower lumbar part of my spine. The chiropractor prescribed an adjustment, heat therapy and physical therapy. Luckily, I could do it all in that one location.

While in the midst of getting treated, things suddenly got worse. One morning, I woke up in excruciating pain and could hardly walk. My Mom took me to the chiropractor and the chiropractor immediately sent me to a different clinic to do something called, "Vax-D" (vertebral axial decompression therapy). I'd never heard of it before, but when you're in pain, you're willing to try anything. I face up and harnessed around my hips and chest onto a computerized split table. The table literally separates in two, at so many pounds of pressure slowly, creating a stretch in my lower back. The session lasted about 30-45 minutes and then I was moved to another table, where I laid face down with an ice pack on my back for about 15-20 minutes. I repeated this 5 days a week for a month and it was the best thing I'd ever done.

I thought all was well and went back to work like normal, but my back was finished dispensing its displeasure. My profession was in training and development, so I could be standing and facilitating for hours and multiple days at a time (as well as running through airports to various destinations in and outside of the United States). Suddenly, one day my toes began to tingle on my left foot and I felt a weird pain going from my butt and all the way down my left leg. Back to the chiropractor I go and the result was a pinched nerve (also known as cervical radiculopathy). More adjustments, more decompression, and more physical therapy.

Over 20 years later and the herniated discs in my lumbar spine are still my constant companions that flare up and spasm every now and then and prevent me from doing a lot of physical things but all I can do is be careful of how I move and try to strengthen my lower back muscles. What I never anticipated was the neck pain that joined my lower back pain in 2001.

To be continued...Part 3.

All of Your Thoughts Are Rooted in Love or Fear

God loves us so much that he has ensured that every single part of our being has the ability to be healed and whole. The difficulty lies in taking the time to do what it takes to maintain that prime level of healing and wholeness.

Today, I spoke with a longtime sister-friend of over 30 years. Time, circumstances, situations and life (in general) has taken its toll on both of us in various ways. We talked about the reality of how we tend to neglect the time required to take care of our entire being. More specifically, taking the time to heal from death and loss. All too easily, we find ourselves in the grind of life, struggling to keep up or maintain, yet we still call it "living", when it's more like surviving. I use the word surviving because that's what you do. You attempt to maintain existence or normality in the midst of danger, accidents, hardship, and ordeals. I would never say that those phenomenons won't visit you at some point in your life, what I'm saying is those things occur to teach, build, mold and shape us. We're meant to experience them when they happen, glean what we can from it and then move on to that state of healing and wholeness that God has always intended us to have.

So, I began to think about what prevents us from pushing past the point of pain and entering into that state of healing that God intended. 2 Timothy 1:7 came to mind. "God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind." For me, I realized anything opposite of those three things is rooted in the spirit of fear...which God did NOT give us.

…but of power…

If there is something or someone that makes you feel as if you are powerless, deficient, less than or weak, I would say that it solely exists to be used to transform, to be healed and to be whole when coming out of that situation.

…love…

Anger, disgruntlement, irritation, lack of patience can be tools that are distractions, rob you of time and energy and prevent you from the healing peace that comes with love.

...and a sound mind. Your spiritual self is older than your physical self. How do we know that? Because the Bible says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” (Jeremiah 1:5) So, why do we tend to ignore that part the most? In my opinion, it is the pinnacle part of our self that has the ability to determine the health of the mental and physical part of ourselves.

So, when we administer the daily task of cleaning our exterior (showering, bathing, brushing teeth, etc.), we would experience great benefit in taking the time to take daily care of our interior (our mental and spiritual side). Call it a daily devotional, lectio divina (and for those that need a condensed version, there is a 3 step method) or meditation, your spiritual side requires just as much if not more maintenance.

Remember to take care of your WHOLE being.

Headache Vs Migraine - My Experience

I often have to correct people and define the difference between a headache and a migraine. (If you suffer from migraines, you've done it a million times.) I usually ask them, "Do you take something for a headache?" and they usually respond with the typical over the counter drugs, caffeine, eating something, sleeping, etc. Then I ask, "How long does it take to go away?" and they respond with anything from 30 minutes to a few hours. I usually say, "Yep! THAT is a headache." A migraine is a different "creature". When I have a migraine a variety of things can occur at one time and causes head pain:

• It lasts for DAYS
• Water drops from the shower
• Any type of light hurts...especially sunlight
• Pushing just to have a bowel movement (I know...TMI.)
• Trying to eat crunchy textured food
• Chewing food
• Lying my head against ANYTHING
• Certain smells make me nauseous
• Closing my eyes
• Brushing my teeth
• Hearing traffic on my street
• Any loud, sudden noise (or continual noise for that matter)
• My teeth ache
• My ears ache
• Dizziness
• Vertigo
• It hurts to cry

I literally stay in my bedroom that has black fabric against the windows and some days I wear soundproof headphones. Now THAT...is a migraine. The next response is usually, "Oh, my God! I didn't know." Well...now you do.

This Makeup Artist Turned A White Woman Into A Black Woman And Everyone's Mad

This Makeup Artist Turned A White Woman Into A Black Woman And Everyone's Mad

I can not say that I'm offended because I understand the historical context of blackface. To me, the word blackface connotes words like ridicule and racism. What this MUA created did not equate to those words. Actually, when I saw the picture a quote came to mind, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” (Oscar Wilde) 

Not everyone is mad or offended. As a matter of fact, I am a bit confused by it all. The Buzzfeed journalist mentions the word "blackface" in her subtitle and everybody jumped on the train without studying the history of blackface and its origins. The MUA replicated the very look that most of us are attempting to achieve. From the highlighting to the contour for a slim nose, the very same outcome is seen on this Facebook page as well as all over YouTube. MAYBE it's a wake-up call that proves we judge ourselves by Eurocentric standards and attempt to duplicate it. MAYBE we're feeling the sting of being slapped in the face with the Eurocentric beauty standards that WE have adopted into our own makeup routines. Think about it. You are judging someone's creativity based on what? Your assumptions about his intentions? Your own insecurities? In the end, there is no blame to place anywhere. If we're honest, (because of social media) we apply our makeup looks from a global perspective. We SEE and KNOW the other cultures that are known for specific natural features (i.e. thick eyebrows, long eyelashes, slim jawline). 

All in all, the Buzzfeed journalist did her job. She baited what she knew was a HUGE community (of. those with an affinity for make-up) and the community took the bait and made her article viral.