Part 1 | "...in sickness and in health." The part of your marriage vows you can't prepare for.

"...in sickness and in health. Til death do us part." Most of us stated this as a part of our marriage vows and at the time, never thought about the impact it would make on our marriage. If you are like me, you thought sickness and death were FAR into the future of your marriage. Well, here I am 20 years after reciting those vows and the reality of that part of our vows has come to its fruition MANY times. Between my spouse and I, we have endured Graves Disease, hormonal imbalances, GERD, Arthritis, Carpal tunnel, cysts, tumors, etc. Most of our ailments we were able to walk through carefully by the grace of God, but stay married long enough and there will be other debilitating illnesses that will test every facet of your marriage.

Chronic migraines shifted our lives 180° about 9 years ago (in 2010). The pain plunged me into a black hole. I went from a successful career as a globe-trotting corporate trainer and project manager to being bedridden, with black fabric against my windows, only able to tolerate the screen of my old 2nd generation Apple iPod Touch and reading subtitles because I couldn't tolerate noise. I know that there were at least 4 solid years where I stayed in my dark bedroom, with the covers over my head. It seemed as though anything I did triggered a migraine. From something as simple as chewing to showering. I could have never imagined that a sudden migraine would cause me to have to spit my food out because I couldn't tolerate the pain from chewing or I couldn't shower because the water drops hurt my head and I couldn't brush my teeth because the abrasiveness of even the softest toothbrush would cause my head to hurt. I was completely debilitated, could no longer work and filed for SSDI. Although I was suffering, for my spouse it meant no cooked meals, no clean house, no vacations, no date nights, no social interaction, no celebration of birthdays, anniversaries or holidays and no sex. When I think about those days, I can only remember that I watched a lot of Korean dramas (because of the subtitles), had a lot of appointments with my neurologist and tried a lot of different prescription drugs that didn't work. One of the worst parts of my migraines was the excruciating migraine pain that would wake me from my sleep in the middle of the night. According to my husband, I would wake up screaming and crying because of the pain. He said he learned that an ice pack would cause me to instantly go silent and fall back to sleep. Unfortunately, I don't remember all of those episodes and my husband didn't get a lot of sleep. My "migraine terrors" literally drove my spouse from our bedroom for almost 2 years. He was so triggered by every sound I made in the middle of the night that he had to sleep on the couch in our living room in order to get a full night's rest. Eventually, I collected 5 different migraine hats (that are kept in our freezer) and the ability to be conscious enough to help myself during those migraine terrors that occurred in the middle of the night. My husband has competed as a novice in bodybuilding, been a personal trainer and a health and wellbeing advocate for years. When my migraines were at their worst, all of his own activity ceased as well. He rushed home from work every single day to check on me and prepare dinner. Over time, he gained more weight than he ever had before and did nothing physically for his own wellbeing.

I was immersed with guilt. The guilt of not contributing to the household financial weighed heavily on me. We were now living from paycheck to paycheck. I couldn't do anything. My husband cleaned, cooked, did laundry and paid all the bills. He probably felt like a bachelor all over again, save the human log that lived in the bedroom. For years, it was like we couldn't catch a break. Added to the chronic migraines was chronic pain. Then in 2017, my husband had a tumor scare. It was benign and with an out-patient surgery all was well...or so we thought. About 3 months later, I found myself in the ER headed for emergency surgery because of a gangrenous gall bladder. For almost 8 weeks my husband had to be my "nurse", cleaning, packing and unpacking my gall bladder opening. I thank God for his humility and compassionate heart. I really don't know what I would have done without him. Four months after my "gallbladder summer", the holiday season was in full swing, except I didn't feel like swinging so much. I had a nagging pain in my neck and shoulders that kept getting increasingly worse. I really didn't have time to pay attention because right before Christmas my Dad ended up in the same ER as I did just 6 months prior and had to have emergency surgery to remove...his gallbladder! For about 6 weeks, I endured my pain getting progressively worse and concentrated on the health and wellness of my elderly parents.

After my Dad got home and settled, by now I was in physical therapy and it wasn't having any effect on my pain. And then I woke up one morning and my left shoulder wouldn't move. Continued in Part 2.